The Big Event

So last Friday I did my mini-triathlon. The biggest obstacle of the entire day was the waking up at 6 am so my breakfast would have time to settle before swimming. I hopped in the pool and did my 500 meters in 25 minutes. That could probably be put on record as the worst time ever, but considering when I started training I couldn't even swim 50 meters I felt pretty good about it. Then I got out and after biking through the parking lot I realized it was much, much colder than I had anticipated, so I took a little detour to my friends house to borrow some gloves. They just happened to be sitting down to breakfast when I got there, so I refueled, pulled on my gloves and biked 12 miles. It was a beautiful sunny day and I sort of forgot about the racing part and went at a pace closer to a Sunday evening stroll. After the ride, I ditched my bike and tried to run. Have you ever tried running after riding a bike for a long time? I felt like a marionette. My legs were still trying to make the up/down pedaling motions instead of forward running motions. I looked ridiculous "running" with jerky, high knee steps, but eventually it wore off and I was able to move like a human again. I miscalculated my running distance and overshot by a half mile. I got home just as the baby woke up and wanted to nurse...and life carried on as if nothing happened.

Let's call a spade, a spade

Yesterday I was working on a drawing, so Naomi said she wanted to work on one too. She picked out a picture of the angel Gabriel coming to Mary and decided she wanted to copy it. After working on it for a while she got frustrated and threw her paper to the floor. I picked it up and started complimenting her on her efforts. I was pointing out all the recognizable features on the angel when she looked at me and said flatly, "Mom. He looks like a Care Bear."

blind faith

Tomorrow is the big day. My mini-TRYathlon. Today I rode my bike (which is really Lars's manly mountain bike) out to my friend's house so I could borrow her real road bike. She lives just outside city limits, so I was on a two land road rather than a bike trail. Anyway, as I was riding back home I was biking up a hill, the road changed to a no passing zone and I could hear a big truck coming up behind me. I glanced back to check and, oh yup, he wasn't happy he had to wait for me, so as I looked forward again a bug flew directly into my right eye! It startled me, and was of course uncomfortable, not to mention the mental trauma of knowing I had bug guts splattered across my cornea. Upon bug/eyeball impact I swerved a bit and just about ran myself off the road, but then over-corrected so I was swerving around the road like I'd been drinking since noon. I was peddling as fast as i could, up hill, trying to clear my eye of bug guts. As soon as we crested the hill, Mr. Mac Truck sped by me, leaving me to choke on his dust. I was just grateful I didn't wipe out and get run over by the guy. At least I was wearing my helmet. Maybe i need some safety glasses as well. :)

before a concussion...please

More proof to my "white noise" theory. "Don't pick up the baby!" "Don't put her on my bed, or the couch, or the chairs. Leave her on the floor!!!" I was in the kitchen making dinner. Naomi, Yaya and Heidi were in the living room. It sounded like everyone was having fun, laughing and playing peacefully. I heard Heidi whimper a little, but then she went back to laughing. A few minutes later I heard Heidi make a squished squeal. I of course ran into the living room to find Heidi hanging half way off the couch (head first of course) with Yaya laying on top of her gripping her as tightly as she possibly could. I unwrapped her from Yaya's iron grip while Yaya very proudly announced that she just saved Heidi's life. I asked the girls why Heidi was on the couch in the first place when I have said a million times NOT to put her up there. Naomi explained, "Well Mom, she was having fun and she only fell on her head one time." Oh thanks. I feel much better now :)

Life's Deepest Questions

Yaya to me...with the help of Heidi

"Mom, is this how dogs kiss babies?" Yaya kneels down and gives Heidi a big slobbery lick up the back of her head, completely saturating what little hair she has.
"Yup. That's JUST how dogs kiss babies."

I am White Noise

I was recently asked, "If you were a superhero, what would your skills be and what be your name?" I also recently discovered I already have an amazing talent. I can talk to my children all day without any of them hearing me! It's incredible. Here's an example of me talking to Emilia.

Me-"Yaya, If you're done with your cereal will you please bring your bowl to the sink?"

Yaya-Blank stare, no verbal or physical response

Me- "Yaya, bring your bowl to the sink."

Yaya- Gets up and brings her bowl to the counter next to the sink.

Me-"Emilia, can you even hear what I'm saying to you?"

Yaya- "Ummmm....what did you say?"

I can ask the same child eight times to brush their teeth and they swear I never told them once. I can ask crunchy or creamy peanut butter on your toast three times before someone starts whining that they are so hungry they just might die..."and I said creamy!!" I can say, "Leah, get your shoes on" one billion times and we are always running out the door to school while she's saying, "Wait, my shoes are untied!"

I am a superhero. My name is White Noise. You can neither see, nor hear me, but I am able to complete household chores without anyone noticing. I can do laundry, sort and fold it, cook dinner, taxi kids and throw parties...all with little or no thanks or recognition. I AM a superhero.

Automatic Frustration

Lars and I decided to switch our phone service. In so doing, I had to call Qwest and cancel our account. I dialed the 1-800 number and got the automated recording that asks questions and responds to answers to the best of it's "abilities". First of all, I feel like a fool talking to a machine. Second of all, it has no ability to differentiate between my voice giving pertinent information and my children shouting in the background. Our "conversation" went something like this...

Qwest recording guy- "Thanks for calling...bla bla bla...are you calling about the phone number 503.838.0000*?

Me-"Yes"
Naomi- "Yaya won't share the blocks."

Recording- "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Are you calling about the phone number 503......"

Me- (a little louder this time) "YES"
Naomi- (also a little louder) "MO-OM!"
Yaya- "Don't tell on me!"

Recording- "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Are you calling about the phone number 503......"

Me-"Girls! Please be quiet I'm trying to make an important phone call!"
Naomi-"But she's not sharing!"
Yaya-"I said sorry!"
Naomi-"Sorry doesn't fix it"

Recording- "I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Please remain on the line and a customer service representative will assist you shortly."

Oh! So that's the secret. All I have to do is either speak incoherently or let my kids yell into the phone and I can bypass all the talking to the machine and get straight to another human being! But I guess i'm in the minority. Observe:

People like talking to a machine: survey shows

by Stuart Corner
Monday, 27 August 2007
Page 1 of 2
!One third of respondents to a survey carried out for speech recognition specialist Nuance say they would rather talk to a speech recognition system than a live operator, and when the alternative is being placed on hold, the figure rises to 85 percent.

What's your preference?


*Number changed to ensure security :)

Easter Aftermath...a fair warning

Monmouth man charged with abandoning white rabbit
Hope the bunny beat odds, predators by surviving three weeks in wild
Friday, April 10, 2009
BY MARYANN SPOTO
Star-Ledger Staff
A Monmouth County man has been charged with releasing his family's pet rabbit into the wild, a practice that animal experts fear may be repeated by others who buy bunnies, chicks or ducklings at Easter, then decide they can no longer care for such animals.
Jong Park, 51, of the Morgan ville section of Marlboro was charged with the disorderly offenses of abandonment and failure to provide proper food, water and shelter, said Victor "Buddy" Amato, chief animal cruelty officer for the Monmouth County SPCA. The charges, which carry a possible $2,000 fine, are to be heard in municipal court, Amato said.

I say feed them to your own dog. At least it's free.

No more scary movies

Lars and I love to watch murder mystery shows together, Monk, Psych and Castle. One downfall to this bonding time we share is that I find myself assuming that every situation is in the thick of a mysterious, murderous plot. For example, we live in a duplex. Every now and again (if it happens to be quiet in my own house) we can hear our neighbors fighting. Normally, not a big deal, but if I have just finished watching a show I am constantly checking the clock while listening to them fight so when the police come to investigate I will be able to accurately tell them, "At 10:14 I heard yelling. Then someone hit the wall three times and a door slammed and the yelling stopped. She seemed so nice, I never would have imagined."

Well, Tuesday night I went swimming. I got there at about 9:15. Another man got out of his car and started walking up to the pool at the same time. I recognized him as another "regular" swimmer, but even so, I slowed my pace and waited until he went in and I heard the door to the men's locker room close as well. I had to take precautions in case he was planning to hold the door open for me, but then really take me into the men's locker room and...so the paranoia begins.

I swam until 9:55 not paying attention that all the girls had left the pool. I got out and went back into the locker room and started to shower. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I was alone, in a locker room, showering, late at night. This was the prime set up for one of the shows I had been watching. Just as I'm starting to freak myself out with these thoughts, the lights in the locker room shut off. I froze. I started listening for any sound...any movement. Should I leave the water running and go back into the pool? Should I shut off the water and bolt out of there? But if I shut off the water I could be letting whoever was waiting for me know that I would soon be stepping out into the darkened locker room. I decided to take the risk of looking like a paranoid idiot and go back into the pool to at least ask the lifeguard (what a comforting name) if the lights shut off automatically at ten...or if he would walk me out of the building. I left the water running, just in case, and tried the door back into the pool. It was locked. Ok, breath. I'm sure I'm just psyching myself out. I decided my best plan was to just get the hellen out of there before I either got killed or had a panic attack. So I left my wet suit on and pulled my clothes on over it as fast as I could in the dark. I had to run past the pitch black bathroom stalls to get out the door. As I ran past them the light turned back on. Instead of logically realizing that the lights were run on a motion sensor, I figured my stalker had flipped them on so he could see me better as he killed me. I bolted out of there as fast as I could and ran all the way to my car.

I already have a fear that someone is hiding under my car and when I stop to unlock the door they will grab my ankles and slice my Achilles tendon completely incapacitating me. In my state of panic, this pre-existing fear was magnified. I'm sure if anyone was watching it was rather comical to see a girl busting out of a building, running full boar to a car, standing three feet from the door while leaning over to unlock it and then jumping in and slamming the door, locking it and speeding away like a mad woman. I hope someone got a kick out of it because all I got was an elevated heart rate and a realization that I have a very unhealthy dis-ability to separate my own reality from the situations that are created on T.V. for "entertainment". I think Lars and I are going to have to find a new hobby :)

Julio and Richard, Richard and Rose

There were some very interesting dynamics in the swimming pool last night. Here's the line up. Lane 1- giggly girls in bikinis (I still don't get it) Lane 2-My friend and myself. Lane 3- Julio Iglesia with a mullet. Lane 4-an Asian Richard Simmons. Very distinct swimming styles accompanied each of these lanes as well. Lane 1-Jumping and splashing. Oh, and of course, giggling. Lane 2- My friend was a swimmer in high school so she was blazing past me doing at least two laps to my one. I am improving, but I am a far cry from good. Lane 3- Julio appeared to be running through the water. He remained mostly vertical, although his arms and head made swimming motions. He even turned his head to the side each time he raised his left arm, but his head never went in the water and his hair never got wet. I watched in fascination, trying to understand the mechanics of such movement, but I'm pretty sure he just thought I was checking him out. Lane 4- Richard. And how did I come to adorn this dear Asian man with such a title? His shorts! Asian Richard must have sent in enough cereal box tops to receive an authentic pair of Richard Simmon's shorts because these things were IDENTICAL to the ones in the picture above. His swimming level was probably comparable to mine, not too fast, swerved all over the lane...you get the idea.

Well the crowning event of the evening, I am relieved to report, happened to Richard and not to me. About twenty minutes into swimming an Asian gal came in and joined our lane. Just for flow in the story, we'll call her Rose. I was doing a lap when Rose actually got into the pool. On my way back I got an amazing amount of water up my nose, but somehow still managed to swim all the way to the end before coughing and snorting it all out. Of course Rose didn't know I was merely trying to stop my nasal passages from burning and when I stood up I made a rather loud noise that ended up sounding much like an "Ahem", clearing of the throat sort, what do you think you are doing in my lane sort of noise. The gal turned quickly to me and apologetically asked if it was ok for her to be swimming in our lane. I reassured her it was fine and I was just trying to ward off death for another ten minutes. She started her first lap as I sat back and observed those around me as the throbbing subsided. I noticed that Rose had also caught Richard's attention (or maybe it was my repulsive hacking...we may never know). He was standing in the shallow end as well, watching her, completely oblivious to Julio who was run/swimming quite rapidly back down the lane in between them. As Julio, who was quite possibly showing off by then, got to the wall, he attempted a flip/turn thingy (without getting his hair wet) to head back down for another lap and totally clocked Richard right in the face!

And the moral of the story...Don't stare at girls in swimming suits and immediately cancel your membership to the Richard Simmons fan club. Did you know his name is really Milton Teagle Simmons? I'm not making this stuff up.

Heidi

Heidi standing

Heidi perched in a chair watching her sister's impromptu dance recital

Heidi feeding herself :)

not one of the safest options! hang on!

waiting for breakfast!

Little Miss Heidi is just growing right up! She is seven month old already! She got her first little tooth last week. She is crawling, standing, pulling herself up on everything and attempting to walk along the furniture. Heidi loves to eat and is doing her age appropriate duty of shoving everything she can find in her mouth. Her sisters are pretty good at keeping an eye on her. Naomi has made it her personal duty to vacuum daily so Heidi doesn't swallow anything. Fine with me!

The Breakfast Shake