No more scary movies

Lars and I love to watch murder mystery shows together, Monk, Psych and Castle. One downfall to this bonding time we share is that I find myself assuming that every situation is in the thick of a mysterious, murderous plot. For example, we live in a duplex. Every now and again (if it happens to be quiet in my own house) we can hear our neighbors fighting. Normally, not a big deal, but if I have just finished watching a show I am constantly checking the clock while listening to them fight so when the police come to investigate I will be able to accurately tell them, "At 10:14 I heard yelling. Then someone hit the wall three times and a door slammed and the yelling stopped. She seemed so nice, I never would have imagined."

Well, Tuesday night I went swimming. I got there at about 9:15. Another man got out of his car and started walking up to the pool at the same time. I recognized him as another "regular" swimmer, but even so, I slowed my pace and waited until he went in and I heard the door to the men's locker room close as well. I had to take precautions in case he was planning to hold the door open for me, but then really take me into the men's locker room and...so the paranoia begins.

I swam until 9:55 not paying attention that all the girls had left the pool. I got out and went back into the locker room and started to shower. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I was alone, in a locker room, showering, late at night. This was the prime set up for one of the shows I had been watching. Just as I'm starting to freak myself out with these thoughts, the lights in the locker room shut off. I froze. I started listening for any sound...any movement. Should I leave the water running and go back into the pool? Should I shut off the water and bolt out of there? But if I shut off the water I could be letting whoever was waiting for me know that I would soon be stepping out into the darkened locker room. I decided to take the risk of looking like a paranoid idiot and go back into the pool to at least ask the lifeguard (what a comforting name) if the lights shut off automatically at ten...or if he would walk me out of the building. I left the water running, just in case, and tried the door back into the pool. It was locked. Ok, breath. I'm sure I'm just psyching myself out. I decided my best plan was to just get the hellen out of there before I either got killed or had a panic attack. So I left my wet suit on and pulled my clothes on over it as fast as I could in the dark. I had to run past the pitch black bathroom stalls to get out the door. As I ran past them the light turned back on. Instead of logically realizing that the lights were run on a motion sensor, I figured my stalker had flipped them on so he could see me better as he killed me. I bolted out of there as fast as I could and ran all the way to my car.

I already have a fear that someone is hiding under my car and when I stop to unlock the door they will grab my ankles and slice my Achilles tendon completely incapacitating me. In my state of panic, this pre-existing fear was magnified. I'm sure if anyone was watching it was rather comical to see a girl busting out of a building, running full boar to a car, standing three feet from the door while leaning over to unlock it and then jumping in and slamming the door, locking it and speeding away like a mad woman. I hope someone got a kick out of it because all I got was an elevated heart rate and a realization that I have a very unhealthy dis-ability to separate my own reality from the situations that are created on T.V. for "entertainment". I think Lars and I are going to have to find a new hobby :)