Julio and Richard, Richard and Rose

There were some very interesting dynamics in the swimming pool last night. Here's the line up. Lane 1- giggly girls in bikinis (I still don't get it) Lane 2-My friend and myself. Lane 3- Julio Iglesia with a mullet. Lane 4-an Asian Richard Simmons. Very distinct swimming styles accompanied each of these lanes as well. Lane 1-Jumping and splashing. Oh, and of course, giggling. Lane 2- My friend was a swimmer in high school so she was blazing past me doing at least two laps to my one. I am improving, but I am a far cry from good. Lane 3- Julio appeared to be running through the water. He remained mostly vertical, although his arms and head made swimming motions. He even turned his head to the side each time he raised his left arm, but his head never went in the water and his hair never got wet. I watched in fascination, trying to understand the mechanics of such movement, but I'm pretty sure he just thought I was checking him out. Lane 4- Richard. And how did I come to adorn this dear Asian man with such a title? His shorts! Asian Richard must have sent in enough cereal box tops to receive an authentic pair of Richard Simmon's shorts because these things were IDENTICAL to the ones in the picture above. His swimming level was probably comparable to mine, not too fast, swerved all over the lane...you get the idea.

Well the crowning event of the evening, I am relieved to report, happened to Richard and not to me. About twenty minutes into swimming an Asian gal came in and joined our lane. Just for flow in the story, we'll call her Rose. I was doing a lap when Rose actually got into the pool. On my way back I got an amazing amount of water up my nose, but somehow still managed to swim all the way to the end before coughing and snorting it all out. Of course Rose didn't know I was merely trying to stop my nasal passages from burning and when I stood up I made a rather loud noise that ended up sounding much like an "Ahem", clearing of the throat sort, what do you think you are doing in my lane sort of noise. The gal turned quickly to me and apologetically asked if it was ok for her to be swimming in our lane. I reassured her it was fine and I was just trying to ward off death for another ten minutes. She started her first lap as I sat back and observed those around me as the throbbing subsided. I noticed that Rose had also caught Richard's attention (or maybe it was my repulsive hacking...we may never know). He was standing in the shallow end as well, watching her, completely oblivious to Julio who was run/swimming quite rapidly back down the lane in between them. As Julio, who was quite possibly showing off by then, got to the wall, he attempted a flip/turn thingy (without getting his hair wet) to head back down for another lap and totally clocked Richard right in the face!

And the moral of the story...Don't stare at girls in swimming suits and immediately cancel your membership to the Richard Simmons fan club. Did you know his name is really Milton Teagle Simmons? I'm not making this stuff up.