When it comes right down to it, in a confrontational situation I am not a fighter. I'm a flighter.
I've been paying more attention to my evasive maneuvers as of late and came to a conclusion...which I will share with you after this brief story that got me there. :)
This morning N had a Rec. basketball game. She is on a team of 5-7 year olds. Most of them have never played before so at this skill level, they are learning the basic rules and learning to love the game. There are no refs and the coaches are on the court with the teams telling them when to check the ball, where to go, arms up for defense bla bla bla. Oh, and they aren't allowed to steal the ball.
After about the first quarter, one of the moms from the other team whom I will refer to as BMB (Big Mouth Blondie) started yelling anytime one of the kids on our team double dribbled (which was often), forgot to check the ball (which was often), didn't pass as soon as she thought they should (which was often) and a hundred other basketball crimes that from the sound of her comments would surely result in a complete collapse of the world.
As I was sitting two feet away, trying NOT to hear everything she was yelling, I starting wondering what exactly it was that caused some people to get so amazingly worked up about a recreation basketball game...for second graders. Is it because BMB feels so slighted by the world that she is trying to make sure it is "fair" for everybody else? Does she have so little going on in her life that she has to create drama just for something to do? I don't know and I didn't ask, so I will make no assumptions.
Pretty soon though anytime N got the ball, BMB started screaming at the coaches to watch her because, "She double dribbles EVERY SINGLE TIME!" And then if N did double dribble, BMB would yell, "See?! I told you!" Really. I'm not making this up.
Well, after about 20 minutes of this nonsense the mamma bear in me started to bristle, but my instinct wasn't to go over and scream in her face. I stood up and walked ten feet away from the bleachers so I could watch the rest of the game in peace. While I was standing there I was asking myself questions. Was I avoiding conflict because I am afraid of it? Should I confront this woman and let her know that I didn't appreciate her screaming and ask her politely to shut her fat face before I shut it for her?
I came to this conclusion. Ready? Here it is.
Most of the time that I avoid confrontational situations it is simply because I don't think it's worth a fight. What is the point of confronting a crazed lunatic at a basketball game that I will never see again? It's just not worth it to me.
(Plus I'm just really bad at fighting. Any logic I may have gained over the last decade drains out my ears along with my vocabulary and ability to form coherent sentences.)
Maybe that's a cop out. Maybe some day I will be the person to stand up to all the crazies in the bleachers, but today was not that day...and I don't think tomorrow will be either.
1 comment:
I am also that person. I will say nothing, even if someone confronts me, especially in public. And then, I will come home and tell the whole saga to Donnie and I will cry. I just don't see the point most of the time. I think the problem comes when I do it to people that I do have to see all the time. Then I am always on the fence between being honest even if some feelings might be hurt and saying nothing so no feathers are bristled but then what kind of relationship is that when you can't be honest? Just know, you aren't the only one.
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