parent of the year

My 2nd grader just came home from school and informed me that she had to wear her coat the whole day.  Why?  Oh no reason, except that she wasn't wearing a SHIRT!

Ollie and the bible

Each night before bed we read out of the bible with our girls.  The other night we read this story and I've been thinking about it ever since.  Mark 4 in the New Testament.  Jesus and the disciples were on a boat in the sea of Galilee.  There was a giant storm, the boat was flooded and in danger of sinking.  All of the disciples were running around with buckets, trying to scoop out the water while they frantically tried to buckle their bright orange life vests. 

While all of this chaos was going on, Jesus was not on deck, but in the back of the boat...asleep on a pillow.  The disciples were terrified, just sure they had about three minutes left to live when they ran over to Jesus and shook him awake.  Master, don't you care that we're about to die?!?  they asked Him.  Valid question considering the circumstances.  All the poor disciples could see was water over them, water below them and water filling up the boat.  The only person that could save them was snoozing in the back on a pillow.

So Jesus woke up, looked at the boat, looked at the sky and the storm and with authority over all of these things commanded the sea, "Peace, be still."  Immediately the waves fell back into the sea, the winds blew out, there was calm and the sea was still.  Then Jesus turned to the disciples and asked them why they had been so afraid.  He told them while he was resting on his pillow, He had perfect faith that his safety wasn't threatened, so why didn't the disciples have that same faith?

The disciples turned to each other and asked, Who is this guy?
***
I've been pondering on the questions the disciples and Jesus asked each other.

First, the disciples to Jesus, "Master, carest thou not that we perish?"  How many times have we asked God, Do you even care about me?  How can you just sit up there and watch what's going on down here, but do nothing about it?  I'm drowning in sorrow, debt, addiction, fear...carest thou not that I perish?

To answer their question, Jesus demonstrated His awesome power.  From a scene of chaos, fear and doubt, the Savior said, "Peace, be still."  Now I ask, how many times in our lives have we been in a situation that was chaotic, full of fear, doubt or sorrow?  When we turn to the Lord, he also answers us, "Peace, be still."  The waves my not immediately disappear.  Some things in this life we have to learn simply by going through them.  The winds may continue to blow but if we can stop for just a minute to feel that peace and realize that God has ALL power.  If it is His will, He CAN take away all of our sorrows, pain, grief, disappointment and shortcomings.  Thankfully though, He doesn't.  While these challenges are the very things that torment us, the are also the very things that cause us to cry out to our Savior for help.  In the immortal words of The Indigo Girls, "A curse and a blessing is one in the same, it's all such a treacherous game."

Jesus then asked the disciples why they didn't have perfect faith like He did.  I think the answer to that is simple.  We are human.  We are not perfect, therefore we can not have perfect faith. 

Finally, the disciples ask one last question.  "What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"  Jesus Christ is the Son of God.  He helped create you.  He gave His life for you.  He is aware of every wave that soaks you, of every gale force wind that knocks you off your feet.  He is the one that answers when you call.  He has the power to save you from your situation or provide you peace and the strength to endure.  I know this.

Of course I thought of Oliver and the Palmer family.  Oliver was rescued from the sinking boat.  The rest of the family remains to bail out the water, patch up the holes and rebuild from the trauma of the storm.  With all due respect to Ollie, I think he's the one that got the easy way out.  The brutal reality is that even though you are paralyzed with loss, somehow you have to keep sailing with a huge hole ripped through you while it seems the rest of the world is sailing by on a cruise ship smelling like carelessness and coconut tanning lotion.

I won't even pretend that I could give good advise on how to rebuild and keep on keeping on, but I do know this.  Jesus Christ has the power to provide peace, and He will.

fight or flight

When it comes right down to it, in a confrontational situation I am not a fighter.  I'm a flighter.

I've been paying more attention to my evasive maneuvers as of late and came to a conclusion...which I will share with you after this brief story that got me there. :)

This morning N had a Rec. basketball game.  She is on a team of 5-7 year olds.  Most of them have never played before so at this skill level, they are learning the basic rules and learning to love the game.  There are no refs and the coaches are on the court with the teams telling them when to check the ball, where to go, arms up for defense bla bla bla.  Oh, and they aren't allowed to steal the ball.

After about the first quarter, one of the moms from the other team whom I will refer to as BMB (Big Mouth Blondie) started yelling anytime one of the kids on our team double dribbled (which was often), forgot to check the ball (which was often), didn't pass as soon as she thought they should (which was often) and a hundred other basketball crimes that from the sound of her comments would surely result in a complete collapse of the world. 

As I was sitting two feet away, trying NOT to hear everything she was yelling, I starting wondering what exactly it was that caused some people to get so amazingly worked up about a recreation basketball game...for second graders.  Is it because BMB feels so slighted by the world that she is trying to make sure it is "fair" for everybody else?  Does she have so little going on in her life that she has to create drama just for something to do?  I don't know and I didn't ask, so I will make no assumptions.

Pretty soon though anytime N got the ball, BMB started screaming at the coaches to watch her because, "She double dribbles EVERY SINGLE TIME!"  And then if N did double dribble, BMB would yell, "See?!  I told you!"  Really.  I'm not making this up.

Well, after about 20 minutes of this nonsense the mamma bear in me started to bristle, but my instinct wasn't to go over and scream in her face.  I stood up and walked ten feet away from the bleachers so I could watch the rest of the game in peace.  While I was standing there I was asking myself questions.  Was I avoiding conflict because I am afraid of it?   Should I confront this woman and let her know that I didn't appreciate her screaming and ask her politely to shut her fat face before I shut it for her?

I came to this conclusion.  Ready?  Here it is.
Most of the time that I avoid confrontational situations it is simply because I don't think it's worth a fight.  What is the point of confronting a crazed lunatic at a basketball game that I will never see again?  It's just not worth it to me.
(Plus I'm just really bad at fighting.  Any logic I may have gained over the last decade drains out my ears along with my vocabulary and ability to form coherent sentences.) 

Maybe that's a cop out. Maybe some day I will be the person to stand up to all the crazies in the bleachers, but today was not that day...and I don't think tomorrow will be either.

too soon!

This is E.  She is 6.  Her favorite color is red...that is until she found out Justin Beiber's favorite color is purple.  Now her favorite color is purple.  She is planning on having a Justin Beiber birthday party.  E asked if we could send him an invitation.  I reminded her that her birthday is in October.  She reminded me that it might take him a long time to get here. 

Being the third child, E hears a lot of things now that the older girls didn't learn about until they were several years older.  The latest hot topic...how the adolescent body changes. 

The other day after showering, E came out of the bathroom wrapped in a giant towel crying.  I asked her what was wrong.  She sniffled, then she told me.  "My sisters said I don't have any hair in my armpits, but I DO!  It's just only this long (finger and thumb held so close together that there is hardly any space in between.)"

Parenting books never tell you how to deal with stuff like this.

When I grow up, I want to be like Oliver Palmer.

I have so many thought, feelings and emotions swirling around in my heart and head that I'm not sure where to start.  I just know I need to get it out...so here goes.

I grew up with Stacy Palmer.  My first memory of her is standing in line at Black Hawk Roller Drome.  For anyone born post 1985, that's where people roller skate, not roller blade, skate.  It must have been a Halloween event because she was dressed as a strawberry and her mom was dressed as a watermelon.  I remember Stacy kicking the stuffing in her mom's melon-y behind and laughing hysterically.  From that moment on, I knew we would be friends.  :)

Through elementary school we had sleepovers where we didn't actually sleep and then we would eat our body weight in Cookie Crisp cereal the next morning.  (What a treat!  Without Stacy, I never would have known that cereal existed!)  I had a secret crush on her older brother Chad and of course we had ridiculous pet names for each other.  She was "Tasty" and I was "Tar".  I don't remember how that came about but we still use them!

Our senior year of high school we had an art class together.  (Stacy is an amazing artist for anyone who doesn't know.)  One day she asked me to tell her about my church.  So I did, she took lessons from the missionaries and decided to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I had moved to New Jersey the summer after our senior year and so I missed her baptism, but I wrote a talk and sent it home (back in the days before e-mail) for my  mom to read at the service.

The next year we decided to go to Ricks College together out in Rexburg, Idaho.  We packed up a ridiculous amount of crap and bought tickets on the Greyhound Bus.  What a trip that was!!!  It started with us not knowing that we had to pay extra for our five million pieces of luggage, thus using up all of the cash we brought for food.  We met some very interesting characters, nearly got left at a rest stop in Cheyenne, Wyoming but eventually made it to Idaho.  We made an illustrated record of our trip that I am suddenly very anxious to find....It's hilarious!

It was the perfect beginning to my favorite year of college.  We were insane!  Stacy and I scored these amazing robes at the thrift store that we wore everywhere.  I'm in the red and Stacy is in the yellow one.  This picture was taken during the Homecoming parade that we joined...uninvited.  We just figured people with robes like ours shouldn't keep something so fabulous to themselves.

Then of course there were the rambunctious trips to Wal-Mart where we acted 1/3 our age in the toy section.  (Don't worry, this picture is just an illusion)

See that purse I'm holding?  Someone at Wal-Mart was sitting out front with a box of free kittens.  I just thought they were the cutest things I had ever seen, so I took one.  I fully intended to give it back after our shopping trip, knowing that we weren't allowed to have pets in our house, but when we got outside again the girl was gone...so I ended up taking a kitten home.  There just happened to be a random box of cat food sitting on the fridge.  No one seemed to know where it came from or how long it had been there, but we fed it to the cat anyway.  It seemed to have a loosening effect on the cat's bowels which only sped up my search for a new home for the dear little thing.  Then I was nuzzling his cute little face and he bit me on the lip.  We gave him to my roommates little sister.

Suffice it to say, we laughed for the entire year that we lived together.  (Our room was a nightmare!)   Anyway...you see why I love Stacy so much.  After that year we went our separate ways.  I moved out to Oregon and Stacy went back to Iowa.  Then one day I got a message from a giggling twitter pated Stacy telling me she was getting married in May.  I followed suit and got married in December. 

Stacy had Oliver and brought him to my baby shower when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter Leah.  We laughed about maternity pants and stretch marks.  Over the next decade we saw each other when I came to Iowa to visit and kept in touch through emails and Face book. 

Then one day I read Stacy's blog.  Oliver had a brain tumor.  How is this possible?  What if it was my little Leah who was just a few months younger than him?  I was overwhelmed with the realization that it really could happen to anyone.  I cried for her, I prayed for her.  Over the past two years I have watched my amazing friend create a million memories for her family. 

They threw a "Bald is Beautiful" party and everybody shaved their heads so Oliver didn't have to be bald alone when he started his radiation treatment.  Even Stacy's mom joined it! 

They went to dance marathons,

they went to games

they went to Disneyland

Through all of this, Oliver's amazing spirit started to really shine!  Everyone who met him immediately fell in love with his quick wit, humor and heart melting smile. 

(Honorary Waterloo Police Officer)

Instead of feeling sorry for himself, Oliver reached out to others.  He requested donations of blankets so he could deliver them to other children in hospitals.  Over 5,000 blankets were given out because of him.  http://wcfcourier.com/news/local/waterloo-boy-oliver-palmer-loses-battle-with-cancer/article_8ed3027a-58d6-11e1-a5cc-0019bb2963f4.html

Oliver played the piano for anyone who would listen, including Brandon Flowers,the lead singer of The Killers, his favorite band who heard of Oliver and made a special trip to give him a private concert in his living room.

This past summer when we were in Iowa visiting, Ollie blessed me a with little concert of my own.  Then I sat next to him and taught him a song.  He entertained us all with a hilarious story (including actions) about almost falling out of the moving car.  We laughed until we cried.

(all our kids together)

Tasty and Tar still laughing to hard we look weird :)

Then Oliver's body started to give up.  I think his spirit was just too big to stay here anymore.  And do you want to know what else I think?  I think that before we came down to earth, we were all up in heaven chillin' on our cloud hammocks and God came up to us and said, "I have a very special plan.  Each of you needs to play an important part.  Some of you need to learn specific life lessons that will only happen through the sacrifice and example of someone very special.  It's not going to be easy, it will probably be painful, but in the whole grand scheme of things it will only be a short moment." 

I think Ollie jumped out of his hammock with arms waving and said, "Pick me! Pick me!"  Then I think Stacy and Ed (who were spooning in the next hammock over) jumped up and begged, "Please let us be the parents of this giving spirit.  We can teach him what he needs to know in his short life on earth and we are willing to learn from his amazing example.  Sponge Bob."  (Just had to throw that in there.)  The rest of us who were still sipping lemonade in our hammocks near by gave God the thumbs up and promised to watch Ollie, learn from him and support Ed and Stacy when the time came.

And just as sure as I am about what happened before we came to earth, I am equally as confident that when it's our turn to leave this earth, Ollie is going to be lounging in his hammock, practicing his harp (maybe they have keyboards up there?) and when he sees us, he'll smile that heart warming smile and ask, "What took ya so long?"

I love you Oliver and the whole Palmer family.  Because I know you, I try each day to be a better mother to my children.  I try to love others more freely.  I try to give of my time and look for opportunities to serve.  Because I know you my life has been so richly blessed. 

May God bless you with peace throughout the rest of your blessed life on earth.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/157798981004304/

dirt + water = fun

Emilia is a ring leader.  Somehow whenever she decides to do something, she gets the whole neighborhood involved.  This time is was making a gigantic mud puddle in our backyard by the broken fence.  As if there wasn't enough water already, these girls emptied out the neighbor's kiddie pool into the mud puddle, using all of my tupperware containers...and a random milk jug. 

The best part of it is, the whole time they were out there, they kept chanting, "We're tomboys!  We're not girls!"

Really?  Because it looks like all of you are in PINK! 

simple reminder

anytime i get swamped with my own little life, i read my friend's blog as a reminder that life is so much bigger than me.

http://oliverpalmer.blogspot.com/2012/01/valentines-day-lets-share-love.html

follow this sweet little angel's example and brighten your life