Embarrassing

Leah is twelve.  She's been asking me to teach her how to shave her legs for months!  And unlike me as a child, she actually waited for instruction rather than sneaking off to her friend's house with hairy legs and returning home with semi-smooth, band- aided legs.

So I sat her down on the sink, she lathered up and I handed her a razor.   Then I left and came back with my camera. :)  That look is priceless!

"What are you going to do with that picture?!" she asked.

"Why, post it on my blog of course!"

"That's it!  I'm going to start taking embarrassing pictures of you and make my own blog!"

Bring it on little lady.  Can't wait.

Toothfairy FAIL...again

Well now it's just getting ridiculous.  I forgot to be the Tooth Fairy AGAIN!  I was about to debunk the whole myth this morning, just to absolve myself of the guilt, but then i realized Heidi hasn't even lost ONE tooth yet and that wouldn't be very fair to her to crap out on tradition, just because I can't remember to follow through with it.  (Good reasoning right?)  Anyway, Emilia asked if she could write the Tooth Fairy an email this morning.  It was the least I could do.

dear toothfaiy why don't you give me dollers my frend's git dollers and why didint you come lastnight what is your name and what do you look like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love emilia

Well, I guess since I'm lying to her anyway about the existence of a Tooth Fairy, I won't give her the straight answers to her questions, otherwise it would read something like this...

Dear Emilia,
I don't give you dollars even if your friends get dollars because I'm already paying for the care and maintenance of your teeth.  YOU should be giving ME dollars.  I didn't come last night because I am so ridiculously busy with being a wife, mom, student, employee that remembering to switch out a tooth for a quarter is about #796 on my list of things to do.  My name is Mom and I look like a very tired mid thirties woman with brown hair.  Magical, isn't it?

Love,
The Tooth Fairy aka: your Mother who has been lying to you for the first eight years of your existence

Valuables

Leah will be horribly embarrassed one day when she decides to scroll through all my past blog posts and comes across this one.  So, sorry daughter in the future, but this one is just TOO good to pass up.

Leah and I were sitting in the car and I looked over at her only to discover her with her hand down her shirt.  "What are you doing?" I asked.
"I found a dime and I'm tucking it in my bra.  That's where I keep all my valuables."
"Ah...so that's what they're calling 'em these days."
"What?!  Mom!  Oh my gosh." 

The next morning before school I said to Leah, "Make sure and put a bra on.  You've got to keep those valuables covered."  She rolled her eyes and turned six shades of red.  Awesome. :)

Peanut Butter Choc-Oat-Chip Cookies

I think these are my new favorite cookies.  All good things rolled into one!  Naomi loved helping make this recipe up.  She listed all of her favorite cookies and we crammed them into one recipe. :)  Naturally she also came up with the name for them.

Peanut Butter Choc-Oat-Chip Cookies

1 c butter
1 c peanut butter
1 c white sugar
1 c brown sugar
3 eggs
1/2 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
2 1/2 c flour
2 c oats
2 c semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix together butter and peanut butter until fluffy.  Add in sugars and mix again.  Add eggs, baking powder and baking soda and salt.  Mix well.  Add flour and mix.  Add oats and mix.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Bake for 10 minutes.  Let cool on pan for a few minutes before moving to a wire rack to finish cooling.

Now give most of them away so you don't eat them for breakfast.  I have it on good authority this happens...often. 

Road Kill Bingo

We are about to embark on a road trip from Oregon to Iowa.
Thanks to the modern invention of the car, this should only take 28 hours (not including bathroom breaks, eating, sleeping or getting out of the car on the side of the road so you can breathe and count to ten, or one hundred, before you lose your mind.)  Naturally I started thinking of what on earth we could possibly do in the car so we still like each other by the time we get there.  I visited a few blogs that  gave great ideas if you wanted to spend as much time prepping games for the trip as it would take to get there.  I decided to just go back to my great idea that I've had forever, but have never brought into fruition.  Road Kill Bingo.  Oh yeah.

I told the girls what I was making.  Heidi, who is four, looked very confused and concerned.  "You mean, we are going to try to run those animals over with the car?!"  Haha!  No, we are just looking for them on the side of the road, and if we see them, we check it off.  Then Naomi piped up, "Why don't we just play 'Animal Bingo' and look for living animals while we are driving.  That would be much less violent and gross."  There always has to be a voice of reason...  

Myth Buster

One really funny thing about having kids is hearing that all of the same jokes, songs and urban legends from my childhood are STILL circulating the elementary schools today.  My daughters are always flabbergasted when I know the punchline to their jokes, start singing along with a song they "just learned" or debunk the mysteries of life that a very reputable nine year old just shared with them.

We were out in the yard planting when a daddy long leg crawled by.  My eleven year old warned her sisters, "You know...daddy long legs are the most poisonous spider in the world.  Their mouths are just too small to bite humans."  Sisters were impressed with her vast knowledge and their not so healthy fear of spiders was heightened.  I heard and repeated this "fact" my entire childhood as well.  It sounded plausible, I mean, they DO have small mouths after all.  I finally decided to get the truth!

I am here to debunk this theory.  Daddy Long Leg spiders are NOT poisonous, at all.  They do not have venom or fangs making it not just unlikely, but IMPOSSIBLE for this myth to be true.
http://spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.html

I'm sorry to ruin a life long belief for most people.  Watch out because next I'm going to be telling you that you will NOT, in fact, find a whale with a polka dot tale "Down by the Bay."

Roughing it

Friday night the girls begged to set up the tent in our yard.  (No, this is not my tent, or my yard.)  It was a beautiful night and I didn't have anything commitments on Saturday, so I said why not.  We all threw our blankets and pillows in there and had a great time making crazing faces with the flashlight, reading books, Heidi even told us a silly ghost story.  As it happens any time you get a group of girls together and they have stayed up much past their prime, things got really silly and the giggled continued to crescendo until 11 pm when I finally had to threaten them with a, "The next person who makes a SOUND is going inside and I'm. not.joking."  There was immediate silence and they were all asleep in ten seconds flat.

Last night, the girls asked if we could sleep in the tent again.  Why not?  Only difference was I had to be up for work at 7am and I didn't have a clock with me. (Yes I still live in the dark ages and No I don't own a cell phone.)  The girls fell asleep rather quickly and I laid there wondering if I was a man and didn't have hips, if camping would ever actually be comfortable.  I'm not so sure.  Leah and Emilia were sleep yelling at each other.  Entertaining, but not restful.

Eventually I fell asleep but I kept dreaming that I overslept and missed half a day of work.  Then in my dream I would wake up and tell someone about the dream and go back to sleep (in my dream).  This happened three times before I finally just got up, really confused if I was actually getting up, or if I was still dreaming that I was getting up.  Heidi was happy to finally have all of my blanket that she had been fighting me for the whole night. When I came inside it was only 6 o'clock.  I knew if I went to my real bed there was no way I would get up again by seven, so I decided to go for a "run."  I hadn't even finished tying my shoes before my body was reminding me that I hated running and this was the worst idea ever...except for sleeping in the tent in the first place.  I went anyway.  I didn't pass out, so that's good news.  I have a feeling as long as I leave the tent up I'm going to be bombarded with requests to sleep in it every night.  Either we need a good old fashioned ghost story freak out, or some strategically planted spiders to disenchant those girls from sleeping in the tent.  This could be fun.  :)

Negotiation

My current photography assignment is a self portrait.  It's difficult.  Not just the context, but physically taking a picture of myself with a 35mm film camera.  I had an idea, set up the camera on a tri-pod, set up the lighting, attached the shutter release cord and then realized the cord was only about 8 inches long.
Help!
So I snagged Heidi off the couch and asked her to come help me.  All she had to do was press the button.  Well, she whimpered, and whined, and complained that it was going to be boring.  I tried to bribe her with fruit snacks, crackers with the nasty cheesy spread.  Nothing.  Finally I offered five pennies.  Her little ears perked up.  She looked at me, realized she had the upper hand and said, "Fine.  But I want ten more."  Fifteen pennies it is.
Heidi pushed the button 36 times at my command.  I thanked her and sent her off on her way.  Before she left the room, Heidi turned to me and said, "Actually, I really wanted a dollar."
I gave her 15 pennies and I'm looking into Pre-Law Kindergarten.

Anatomy and Physiology

This album came up on my Pandora station.  The girls all saw it.
8 yr old. "What is that?!?!?"
7 yr old.  "Duh.  It's his toe."
10 year old in a fit of laughter, "That's a long toe!"

SMART

Heidi and I were at the store when her eyes fell upon the Halloween costumes.  She, of course, found one that she simple couldn't live without and started begging me to buy it for her.  I told her I wasn't sure how much Daddy wanted to spend on Halloween costumes this year and suggested that we go home and ask him.  Heidi had a suggestion of her own.  "How 'bout we buy it first and THEN ask Daddy!"

I didn't teach her that.  I swear. 

All things girl

Heidi loves all things girl. For her birthday she had a pink princess fairy tea party.  I never considered that her love of all things girl and exclusion of anything (and anyONE) boy could be a result of a simple error in learning the English language.   

 

The other day at the public library Heidi was sitting at the table in the kids section coloring a picture.  A little boy came and sat across from her.  There was only one bin of crayons and each time this little boy took one out to use it, Heidi gave him a crusty look.  At one point the boy had the red crayon and Heidi wanted it.  Thankfully (and surprisingly) she asked him for it.  The sweet little guy handed it over.  "MOM!"  Heidi yelled to me, "That........human shared his crayon!" 

 

Apparently my child doesn't even have the word, "boy" in her vocabulary.



 

A Vote of Confidence

Heidi's birthday is fast approaching.  To say she's excited is a vast understatement.  This morning Heidi decided she was going to make her invitations.  I decided I was going to take a shower. 

I turn on the water.
Heidi asks for paper.
I shampoo my hair.
Heidi asks for tape.
I shave my legs.
Heidi brings me a towel.
I get out and use said towel.
Heidi tells me to put on my undies and my clothes.
I ask her why.

"Because Mom," she answers, "My friends will see you with no clothes on...and your bum...and they will say, 'EWWWWW!  Let's have your birthday party somewhere else,' Just like I want to say."

Party canceled.  I'm going for a run.

Well I feel sheepish...

As I was driving around the neighborhood today, I noticed a little girl that I hadn't seen before running around alone.  When I say little, I mean under 2.  I slowed down to see if there were any adults around.  There were none in sight.  As I slowed down, she ran across the street and directly behind my car.  I couldn't see her anymore, so I put my car in park and got out.  When she saw me, she ran back to the house across the street and behind some bushes. 

I went up to the front door and could hear the vacuum running inside.  I figured the little cutie had pulled a fast one and escaped when she knew Mom couldn't hear her open the door.  Just as I knocked on the door, the mom flung it open and yelled, "LACY!"  It startled me and I startled her. 

I told the mom what had happened and that I was just worried about the kid.  The mom was apologizing profusely, saying this never happens, she had just checked on her two seconds ago, she was just in the kitchen...yada yada yada.  I assured her I completely understood, having four children of my own.  It happens, just wanted to make sure the little cutie was safe.
More apologies from her...
more reassurances from me that it could happen to anyone...
and then as if on cue, my own three year old opened the van door, bolted blindly across the street
and ran up to me...naked.

I scooped her up, smiled sheepishly and slunk back to my own house to study up on the proper care of children.

called my bluff

H-Can you help me get onto Webkinz world?
Me- L has to help you.  I don't know how. 
H- Yes you do!  You have hands!

Mom's Top Ten Lists

It's 9:30 at night and I'm in my room listening to my daughters across the hall rehearsing songs for their Mother's Day production tomorrow.  I'm in love.  Rather than get all sappy on you here I'll give you a couple top ten lists.

Ten awesome things about being a Mom

10.Little foot prints in the sand
9.  I can snuggle and smooch on squishy little cheeks all I want
8.  Anytime I come back from being gone, all my girls will run up to me and hug me
7.  My girls really believe I can make everything all better
6.  I get to do all the things adults aren't "supposed" to do anymore...because I have kids
5.  Right now they still want me to eat school lunch with them.  (Yes, I am fully aware that in five years or less I will be horribly embarrassing.)
4.  I get to decorate my house with all of their beautiful artwork
3.  I will never get tired of hearing, "You're the best Mom in the world!"
2.  Discovering their amazing little personalities
1.   I can finally say, "Because I said so!"

Ten annoying things about being a Mom

10.  I kind of get tired of hearing, "Looks like you have your hands full!" anytime I have my children in  public.
9.  Laundry. Loads of it. Literally.
8.  Most of my day is spent worrying
7.  Washing laundry
6.  Stepping on cereal.  (How does so much of it end up on the floor anyway?)
5.  Forgetting to switch the laundry so I have to wash it again
4.  I miss sleeping
3.  Folding laundry
2.  Putting laundry away
1.  Laundry

I realize I'm biased, but I think I'm the luckiest Mom in the world...and yes, it's worth all the laundry  :)

Don't Call Me "Mom"

I was in the Dollar Store with the girls.  True to her three year old self, H was touching everything and asking me for everything in sight.  Every two seconds she was saying, Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  Can I have this cowgirl hat?  Mom!  Mom. Mommommommommommooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!! 

After a few minutes of this I said to her, "Sorry, I changed my name.  I'm not answering to Mom anymore.  You may now call me Your Highness Royal Queen of Everything." 

Two minutes later Heidi was still pulling everything off the shelves and throwing it all into the cart.  After everything she touched I said, Heidi put that back.  Heidi stop touching everything.  Heidi Heidi Heidi HeidihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiidiHi!

H looked at me and said, "Sorry, I changed my name."  and went on her merry way.

I'm in BIG trouble.

Toddler Art

H created this adorable picture for me.  Like it or not, it's not going anywhere.  She glued it to the table.  I'm just going to call it a place mat.  Form AND function, a true artist in the making.

Sweet Thoughts

Today I was walking E to her friend's house.  She looked up at me and said, "After I get there, you are going to have to walk home all by yourself."

"Oh no!" I said, "What am I going to do?  It will be quiet.  I might actually have time to think!"

After a thoughtful pause E said, "Well, I guess you could think about candy."

Yes.  Yes I could.

Attitude

"E, please get dressed for bed."  "No."  "Please go brush your teeth."  "No."  "Please choose a different attitude."  "No."  "Every time I ask you to do something you refuse."  "No I don't."  Lightbulb...giggle.

Instructions

Tucking H into bed tonight she instructed me,

"Mom.  Tomorrow I don't want cereal for breakfast. 
I will say to you, 'I want a cookie' and you will say, 'O.K.' 
...Good night."